An Open Letter to Bravo TV
Dear Bravo hiring executive,
You should consider casting for the Real Housewives of Boston. This town may not have as many platinum blondes as Beverly Hills or be as catty as New York (no offense to the NY texties!), but I think we have a lot to offer:
1. ME! I’d be a fabulous housewife. Not only can I bring the table-flipping drama, I’m also one of the few people in the Text Boston office who wasn’t on the verge of losing it during the 3-part Atlanta reunion special (speaking of which, don’t even get me started on Kim’s weird plastic hair). Which means I have a higher tolerance for women screeching! C’mon, that logic is foolproof.
Nerds Bright young minds. In a series where getting alimony or starting a handbag line are the most viable sources of income, Boston could bump the average RH IQ up a notch or two. Maybe adding a pseudo-literate housewife to the bunch isn’t such a bad idea? At the very least, she’d probably use her awesome vocabulary to come up with better insults than “prostitution ho-ah” and “slut pig.” (Sooooo I was a lit major. Just saying.)
3. You’ve got your lead-in fully baked. After the fantastic voiceovers – featuring such gems as “I HAVE A TASTE FOR LUXURY…AND LUXURY HAS A TASTE FOR ME!!” and “DON’T CALL ME PRINCESS. CALL ME THE BOSS!!!” – each series opens with a shot of the cast holding local produce. Apples for NY, oranges for the OC, firearms for New Jersey (or something). Anyway, the Boston Housewives could hold baked beans! What more delicious way to acknowledge the nickname ‘Beantown’? Steaming fistfuls of chowder would also work well.
Oh and don’t worry, my departure won’t come as a shock to my colleagues – they know all about my reality TV aspirations. Check out the birthday card they gave me (yours truly is in the middle):
I am available to start filming ASAP. Please contact me at your earliest convenience; I look forward to hearing from you.
Rachel Round, future real housewife